Midway: Chapter 25

  “Uzodimma.”

   

  It had been over three weeks since Uzodimma had been locked in his quarters.  He was currently sitting cross legged on the floor while working on a clay sculpture.   It was a different kind of artistic expression than the one he was used to, but it was one which he’d always had an interest in.  He’d never found the time to pursue it in the past, but now it seemed that time was something he had plenty of.  He never regretted committing so much of his life to music but he was happy to have the opportunity to pursue a different interest now that he was locked away.  He started out with less ambitious shapes and artifacts, but before long his artistic talents generalized to this as well and before long he was working on a series of models based on ancient early space craft.  Sitting on the shelf in his suite so far were his earlier attempts; a simple Soviet Soyuz capsule and beside it the somewhat more challenging Saturn IV from NASA’s Apollo era.  Currently in front of him was the NASA space shuttle he was attempting.  This craft was far more difficult in terms of getting all the minute details just right, but he found the process of focus and attention to detail greatly rewarding.  It helped him relax.

   

  “Uzodimma.”

    

  “Yes?  I was wondering how long it would take you to contact me…”  The disembodied voice was coming in over the audio system in his room, but Uzodimma presumed that in this case, it was exclusively being heard just in his room.

   

  “Why?  I can’t let it go…  Why did you let them blame you?”

   

  Uzodimma continued to work on his model while considering his response.  “You didn’t think you were his only victim did you?”   There was silence.  It appeared that whoever this was had indeed thought just that.  “When they showed me the picture of your handiwork, it confirmed for me what I’d always feared, that I was not the only one either…  I always suspected that when he stopped with me he must have picked up with somebody else but… well, I couldn’t bring myself to think about it I guess.

  “They condemned me because I was clearly pleased when they showed me the picture.  I guess everyone they had shown it to had recoiled in horror.  I didn’t though…  I laughed.  I guess they didn’t figure there were others either.”

   

  “I understand.”  

   

  The disembodied voice should have been angry.  After all if Uzodimma had said or done something earlier, if he’d in some way come forward years ago about what had happened to him, he could have prevented all that happened afterward, but who knew what fear had been instilled in young Uzodimma, and what threats had been made against him, or against his family….   Only Uzodimma did, and he imagined that in some way the voice he was speaking to understood all that as well as he did, and sympathized.  Tragically, the typical response of abuse victims is to simply try to forget it; the very opposite of public denouncement.  Also tragically, the attempt to forget it usually leads to compounding the psychological pain and damage over the years until it is finally addressed, if it ever is.

  “In some way, I understand that I bear some responsibility for what happened to you.   He threatened to make my sister and cousins his next victims if I said anything…  He threatened to kill my whole family if I exposed him, and well… I believed him.”

   

  “He said the same things to me…”

   

  “I figured as much.   The reality is though, if I’d had the strength to act that you did, it never could have happened to you.  That makes me guilty… at least in some sense.  If I can’t and couldn’t change what happened to you, then I can at least bear this burden for you, at least this I can do for you…”

   

  “… thank you.”

   

  “Now I can only hope that you’ve gotten it out of your system.”

   

  “…what do you mean?”

   

  “Why were you able to kill him, when I was unable to even expose him?   Certainly the way you exposed him protected yourself and those you care about… and your humiliation, but I can’t help wondering if I’m doing the right thing for everyone else on the ship by protecting you.  You killed him, but I could never.  I thought about it, dreamed of it even, but in the end I couldn’t seriously consider it or plan it, somehow… I’m just not a murderer.  As much as someone like him deserved it, I still couldn’t do it, not under any circumstances.  That… fortitude, is nowhere inside of me.  But whatever it is, it is inside you.

  “Somewhere inside you, whoever you are… is a killer; a murderer who found sufficient motivation to act on those impulses, and that troubles me.   What if you enjoyed it, and not over the satisfaction of revenge, but in some sort of thrill or delight in the killing itself?  I saw that picture my friend; I know what you did to him.  Yes he was a monster and as satisfied as I was at seeing him get what he deserved, you brutalized him.  You took your time torturing him, you… you enjoyed it.  If I had been able to bring myself to do it, it would have been quick I think, maybe an impulsive act in a moment outside of reason… but you knew exactly what you were doing.  You did it consciously and deliberately.  You enjoyed yourself…”

   

  Silence.

   

  Uzodimma sighed heavily, and then continued.  “Don’t worry… I have not exposed you for this crime, and I have no intention of doing so.  I really feel that I owe you this, for what you’ve done for me, and for what I can only presume are others, and as such I consider us even.  You are safe.  Congratulations, you’ve gotten away with murder.  Now don’t be stupid and blow your good luck.”

   

  “Thank you.”

   

  “You’re welcome.”  Uzodimma completed the shuttle’s primary fuel tank to his satisfaction, and then set about attaching it to the main body via the little plastic struts which he’d asked for a few days ago.  Once they’d agreed, the three dimensional printer in the materials lab was able to quickly fabricate the piece with thin layers of plastic glue stacked on top of each other, building up the three dimensional object.  

  The machine could print much more sophisticated components with a wide variety of different material ‘inks,’ but these inks were difficult to recover and recycle, especially when combining multiple inks into polymers and complex compounds.  The machine was usually a tool of last resort; the most finite technological resource at the crew’s disposal.  The simple plastic Uzodimma had needed though was easily recyclable back into its original ink form, so there was no harm.

  “But whoever you are my friend, do not make the mistake of believing that I will protect you and keep your secret no matter what.  Although I firmly stand by my choice as things sit today, I remain very wary.  If you were to upset the balance of factors which went into that choice, things could change.”

   

  “Meaning?”

   

  “Meaning, that if anything else happens around here or to anyone else here, or if there are any other sort of problems onboard which I might reasonably suspect you may be responsible for, whoever you are, I will come forward about everything without hesitation.”   But the voice didn’t answer.   “Hello?” Uzodimma asked.  The voice was gone.  He could only hope that he had gotten his message across, and that he had not made a terrible mistake.