Chasing Stars: Chapter 17

  “I think I’d like that some day.”  It was mid-day and the weather was not ideal.  It was overcast and rather windy.  Molly stared out over the sea as she thought about her future.

  “Would like what?” Markus asked.  They were standing outside the cabin waiting for a sky pod after having said their goodbyes to his family.

  “Family.”

  “Interesting.”

  She turned to look at him.  “Someday, when I’m ready, I’m going to start a family for myself.  I’m going to fall in love, and we’re going to have babies together.”

  Markus looked at her as she continued to stare at the white caps on the water until she picked up the sky pod and tracked it in with her eyes.  He’d never considered such a thing.  No one really had.  To his knowledge no simulant had ever attempted to create a child and parent it.   He put his arm around her and pulled her tight.  

  “I think you would make an excellent mother,” he said and then kissed her on the forehead.

  “Thank you,” she said, breaking her focus to look at him and smile.  “So, what’s the plan?” Molly asked as the pod landed.

  “I have to get on the ship.  That’s all there is to it.  I have to find a way to prove to Sadhika that she got through to me, that I’m not the person she’s pegged me as anymore, that… that my worst moments don’t define me.   I must prove to her that I’m worthy of going.”

  The front door opened, and his family poured out to say goodbye for the last time again.   He hugged the children and kissed Donna on the cheek, then finally bent over to hug his brother in his wheelchair.

  “Good luck.”   Lucas whispered in his ear.  “I believe in you.” Markus hugged him harder then stood up.

  Markus attempted a brave face despite his obvious tears.  “Goodbye everyone.  I love you all, and you’d better keep in touch with me once we leave.”

  Everyone assured him they would and said goodbye as he and Molly climbed into the sky pod and it ascended.  They ordered it to travel in any direction, just far enough away to no longer be visible by his family.  They paused and breathed a small relief that this part was over.

  “To the apartment, I suppose.” Markus said to Molly as he thought instructed the pod.  

  “So how are you going to do that?”  Molly asked as the pod shot off towards the city.

  “By taking a chance.  By betting it all.  I’m just not going to accept a no.”

  “That could mean a lot of things.” Molly pointed out.  

  “I’m going to liquidate all of my holdings in Bowland and donate them to the mission.”   He nodded a bit as he said it, deciding he liked the idea as he came up with it.

  “But… that will leave you destitute,” Molly pointed out.

  “That’s right, it will.  Hopefully I won’t need it, and if I have to stay, I’ll have to earn it back for myself like I should have in the first place,” Markus added, continuing to nod along with himself.

  “Pretty bold.” Molly cautioned.

  “Oh, I can leave you as much as you need to get set up as well,” it occurred to Markus.

  Molly laughed her charming giggle.  “Well I appreciate that, but I hadn’t even thought about it.”

  “Do you want to keep the apartment?” he asked.

  “Hmm.   Good question.  No I think not.  I’m going to go up and stay with Phillip for a while and go from there.   Maybe I’ll work in his bar for a while, see what a legitimate job is like, what a legitimate life is like…”

  “That… sounds like a really interesting idea.  I think it’ll be great for you.”

  Molly nodded.

  “How is that going by the way, with the sim bartender?”

  “Great actually,” she giggled.  “We chatted last night and can’t wait to see each other again.”

  “That’s… great.” Markus nodded.  “So here’s what I’m thinking.  I’ll take the money I get from liquidating my Bowland holdings and use part of it to commission a private shuttle to take directly to New Horizon.  If I do that, I can just drop you off along the way on Orbital One.”

  “Oh that would be great!” Molly said.  “What if you take the shuttle to ship but they won’t let you in?  What if they just ignore you entirely?”

  Markus rubbed his stubbled chin.  “Well, then I’ll just have to sit at their airlock and wait until they forcibly remove me.”

  “Hmm.  Very bold.”

  “Well I need to let them know that I’m serious, that I’d do anything, anything at all to join them.”

  They flew the twenty or so minutes to their apartment and landed on the rooftop skypod pad.   Descending the elevator, Markus reflected on how if this was successful, it was the last time he’d ever see this place again.  Neither of them had been back here since before they split up, so it was still very much still their apartment.

  “We had some good times, didn’t we Molly?” Markus reflected while they waited.

  “Yeah…”

  “I was really bummed at first that we were breaking up,” Markus admitted.  “I really like you.  But now I’d like to think if I were staying around we’d definitely stay close at least.  Especially after these last few days.”

  The elevator door opened and they walked down the hall to their apartment.  As they approached they heard the door lock disengage.

  “I really do appreciate your support since the accident, I don’t think I’ve really said that, but… it really has meant the world to me.  Your support has made a big difference for me.”

  “You’re welcome.  It’s been nice getting to know you better on a deeper level,” she said as she headed to the couch.  “I think we would grow to be good friends too.  I do expect that you’ll message me, even as the lag gets longer and longer.”

  “Of course,” he insisted sincerely.

  The two started packing.  There wasn’t a lot of stuff to worry about.  For Molly she could always come back to get things she forgot; they’d agreed that she would handle the actual moving out if he was successful.  But for Markus, this was hopefully his last chance to pack everything he wanted to leave Earth with.  He had to pick the only things he’d ever have from home.

  A printed picture of his parents, a ring he’d gotten from a woman he’d once cared about before the Donna debacle, and various other mementos in his Very Important Possessions box, his university diplomas carefully rolled up into a hard-shelled tube.   He limited himself to what he could fit in two duffle bags.

  He contacted Janet at the company and told her that he wanted to liquidate his entire holdings in the company.  She was understandably skeptical; it was after all quite a large sum of money.   But after some massaging and convincing, along with some pretty heavy-handed identity verification, she finally conceded.  Once he had it liquid in his accounts, he looked up the general fund for the New Horizon project which anybody could donate to if they were so inclined.

  “How much would you like me to leave you?”

  “Oh… I don’t know, what’s reasonable?  Six months’ basic?”

  “Alright, I’ll put a year’s worth into your account.”

  “Oh wow, thank you Markus, that’s… unexpected.”

  “You sure you don’t need more?  Looks like that’s only like, a fraction of a percent of what I have here,” he laughed.

  “No, I’ll be okay,” she said with a sweet smile.  “I also don’t want to be stuck not having to figure out my own path.   Plus I’m pretty sure Phillip has money,” she laughed.  Markus knew she didn’t mean she’d leach off of him, so the idea she might was funny.

  “Alright.   Man I hope they appreciate this…   Next, need that shuttle charter.   I guess a week should be enough, whether they let me on or not they’ll certainly be leaving in that time frame.”

  “Makes sense to me,” Molly agreed.

  “Wow, that was like… several times more than what I just gave you,” he laughed.  “No wonder we don’t usually charter private shuttles!  Okay, it’s waiting at YVR… and now to put the rest into the project’s general fund.”

  He set up the transfer on his scroll, then hesitated with his finger over the send button.   There was no way to get it back once he authorized the transfer.

  He holstered his finger for a moment.  “Am I being an idiot?” he finally thought to ask.

  “Yeah, kind of,” Molly affirmed with a shrug.  “I mean you have a lot and it’s everything you have, plus they’ve made it very clear that they don’t want you.  If the ship were a woman, it would actually be pretty creepy and stalker-y.   But the point is to demonstrate your passion and commitment, right?  To show that you’re putting everything you have and can into it right?  To be willing to sacrifice everything you have?   To show it means that much to you?”

  “Yes.”

  “I’ll tell you what, give me another year’s basic,” she giggled, “and if you fall flat on your face, I can at least help you get back on your feet.”

  “Ah.   That actually sounds very wise,” Markus laughed and did as she suggested.  He put more money into her account, and then updated the send amount to the mission.  He took her hand and held his breath, then pressed the button on his scroll.

  “The really stupid part of this?” he said, “is that they have no use for it” he laughed.   “That fundraiser we went to was to recoup the last little bit of money they needed to get underway.  It’s entirely performative.”

  “Even so, I think they’ll understand and appreciate the gesture.  An outfit like that, I’m sure they had a long list of nice to haves if they had the money beyond their essential requirements.”

  “Good point.   Well, I’m officially poor,” he laughed.   “First time for everything I suppose.”

  Markus looked around the apartment they had shared.  “I’m sorry I didn’t take you more seriously,” he said as he brushed hair out of Molly’s face and back behind her ear.

  “I understand,” she assured him.  “This has been good for both of us though.  We’re both ready to move onto something more real now.”

  “You’ve come such a long way in such a short time.  Seems like just a week ago you were confused by the most basic things, so easily overwhelmed.”

  “I could say the same to you,” she giggled.

  Markus realized she was right and giggled along with her.

  “Truth is I’m still just as easily overwhelmed,” Molly admitted.  “I’m just getting better at hiding it and rolling with it.”

  “Guess that’s the trick isn’t it,” Markus reflected.  “We’ve lived a lot in the last week,” he distantly offered.

  “Certainly so,” Molly affirmed.  

  He looked around for the last time before saying: “I think I’m ready to go.”

  “Well let’s go then,” she said, giving him a hug.

   

  They were relegated to taking a road pod to the airport.  He’d forgotten how expensive sky pods were by comparison, and he hadn’t factored that in when he’d given away all of his money, so Molly graciously offered to pay for a road pod.  It took over thirty minutes to get to the airport, and as they drove along the familiar roads the sun began breaking through the clouds and he had the chance to see more clearly some of the city which he was in the middle of trying to leave forever.  It had changed a lot in even his relatively short time on Earth, in the unyielding march towards ever increasing density.  

  More and more of the outer suburbs were returned to nature, left to lie fallow and the forests and bogs to regrow and help restore the carbon balance.  This led more and more people into ever larger mixed-use towers, often half of the floors used for agriculture, several floors used for commercial activity for entertainment and other businesses, and the rest of the building residential.  He wondered how it would continue to change once they were gone, what it would look like here when New Horizon reached Haven in a hundred and fifty years.  Things were certainly quite different now than they were a hundred and fifty years ago.   He wondered how long it would take them to build up a civilization like this on the other side of their journey.   He wondered if they’d even make it, if the as of yet unborn people on the ship would have any idea how to do any of it.  

  The mission seemed like the biggest Hail Mary of all human history the more he thought about it.  But instead of dissuading him, it just made him burn all the more to be a part of it.   He’d never been a part of something that big.  The Bowland company sure, but he never really felt a part of it; he never had personal emotional stakes in it.  When he first heard of the mission, his biggest confusion was why they would work so hard and sacrifice so much for something they could never see realized for themselves.  They’d die never even knowing if their big gamble met any success, they could reap no benefit from it.

  But now he did understand the why.  Now it rang true what Lucas had said at breakfast that morning: ‘find something worth dying for, and you’ll know what it means to live’.  It wasn’t the outcome that mattered, it was the feeling of being alive that came with devoting yourself to something bigger.  He’d never understood that, and that was part of why he’d been so aimless, but he did understand now.  Now there was nothing in the world he wanted more.

  They were more familiar with the procedures for private shuttles now, and as they entered the posh private boarding area he recognized several famous and wealthy people.   Entertainers, politicians, exceptionally wealthy businesspeople, those with other people’s money to spend on such a lavish indulgences.

  “You know, it was my first time orbing up as myself, but I did orb up private quite a few times as Maggie King.”

  “I hadn’t realized that.”  Markus answered as he thought his boarding pass to the terminal attended by an attractive woman, the kind of attractive woman you’d expect for customer service at the highest levels of pampering.

  “You’re cleared through door 4 whenever you’re ready, Mr. Bowland,” she offered with a practiced suggestive smile.

  “Thank you.”

  Molly continued as they went through the door to the elevator that would take them down to the launch tubes.  “We’d have one whenever we did a big planetary concert on Orbital One, you know, where we did it there with all the micro gravity shenanigans and broadcast it pay per view to the whole planet?  Man those were crazy days…”

  “You miss it?” he asked as the elevator doors closed and they descended.

  “Hard to answer.  It wasn’t really me after all.  I remember a profound thrill, an electricity I got from the audience when I was performing.   It was like a drug.  It got me high, but the rebound, the afterparties, the endless parade of people seeking to exploit me, the psychotic fans who all wanted a piece of me to take home… I certainly don’t miss any of that at all.”

  “Makes sense.”   The door opened and there was a short hallway leading to the door to the shuttle.  Out the sides of the catwalk they could see the massive launcher jet aircraft above which their orbital shuttle was connected to.  

  “And as much as I enjoyed the high of performing… it was always kind of sad.”

  “How so?”

  “Well… Maggie had a deep pit of sorrow at her core.  Probably still does I have to imagine.  She was always made to feel not good enough, that she had to try harder, practice more, be absolutely flawless in everything she did, and made to feel like a failure at every single missed note or step.  She only felt joy when she wasn’t fucking up.  She never actually enjoyed the act itself, if that makes sense.”

  They entered the private shuttle and were greeted with the same kind of stock beauty attractive flight attendant which came with the craft.  With the same practiced smile that only hinted at seduction, she helped them into their seats.

  “I’ve kind of been living my life that way too.  More afraid of fucking up than trying to do something meaningful.” he admitted.    “No more.”

  Molly squeezed his hand in approval.

  Once more they suffered an orb-up.  Magnets accelerated them through the long tunnel, pushing them into their seats.   The force was at its worst during the tunnel’s last curve skyward before bursting into the light.  The sun had managed to push away all of the gloom, revealing a gleaming city of glass as they ascended away from.  He considered that if things had worked out as they originally might have, he could have just slept walked onto the New Horizon with a good riddance attitude. 

  But now, after everything that had happened, he felt a great sadness to be leaving and to be seeing it for the last time.  It wasn’t a wish to remain, it was something he’d never felt before.  All of the people down there with all of their problems, their struggles, their fits of rage, their elated joys, their mediocre doldrums…  An endless parade of stories and struggles, a grand narrative he’d never felt connected to before but now somehow did.

  He would do anything he could to become a part of something as important as the New Horizon mission.  But if he couldn’t, if they wouldn’t have him in the end, he would not be sad.   Disappointed of course, but not sad.   There was still so much to do down there, so many women to fall in love with , so many mountains to climb, so many goals to strive for and projects to launch, so many stars to chase down now that he had the will to.

   

  Within half an hour they were on final approach to Orbital One.  Once they had docked, it was time for Markus and Molly to say goodbye, hopefully forever.

  “Well, this is it,” Markus offered stoically.

  Now that the moment was here neither were sure what to say.

  “Well what do you say,” Markus asked to break the ice, “one last time in the bed back there for old time’s sakes?  Maybe we can even pull that flight attendant in too hunh?”

  Molly playfully punched him in the arm.  “Asshole…”

  Molly’s expression took on a very serious and sincere tone, and she grabbed him and hugged him as hard as she ever had before.  “I hope you find everything you’re looking for,” she whispered in his ear.

  “Ditto.   Don’t forget me either,” he whispered back.

  Molly pulled back and moved up to kiss him one last time like they were still lovers.   “I love you Markus Bowland.   You’ve got something special in you and I’ll never forget you.  Please take care of yourself.”

  “Same to you.   You go.  Go do your thing, make me proud.  Tell the world so people know.”

  She held his hand and looked back as she pulled herself away, only letting go at the last possible moment before turning away and disappearing behind a corner.

  Markus was left somewhat stunned in the bustling orb port, feeling more alone than he ever had before.  He’d actively severed all ties and there was no guarantee that they would welcome him on the other end.  

  He found himself surprised by how much he had come to care for Molly; he was surprised how much he immediately missed her.  They’d come a long way since he’d started hiring her to live out some adolescent celebrity fantasy.  She was as real a person to him as anyone else he’d ever met.  He felt like they had become people together, not just her waking up from her programming, but him also waking up from a different kind of programming.  She’d helped him wake up from being an automaton just as much as he’d helped her.   

  He started to cry, and in embarrassment turned to enter the private shuttle.

  “Where to next, Mr. Bowland?” the flight attendant asked.  She seemed to just be relaxing when he entered, slowly spinning in the middle of the cabin reading something on her scroll.

  “Well,” Markus said, attempting to compose himself, “now we go over to the New Horizon and beg them to let me join the mission.”

  She pushed her scroll closed and raised an eyebrow at him.  “I see.  Do you have clearance for that?”

  “No.” he admitted.  “In fact I may be somewhat specifically unwelcome.  But the only thing I’m going to do is just sit at their doorstep and grovel.   Is there going to be a problem with that?” Markus had no clue how much leeway private shuttle crews granted their patrons.

  “I suppose not,” the woman answered after considering it for a few moments.

  “Hey, you get paid the same whether I need you or not right?” Markus chuckled.

  “That’s correct, my fee is based on your rental time of the shuttle,” she nodded.

  “Great, well my plan is basically to just knock on their door and wait out their contempt.”

  She looked at him with a puzzled look.

  “It’s okay.   I’m just trying to say you’ll probably have the chance to finish whatever book you were reading.  I hope you don’t mind waiting around with nothing to do.”

  “Honestly Mr. Bowland,” she answered, “nothing being expected from me is about as pleasant a time I can hope for in this role.”

  Markus chuckled.  She was referring to exactly the kinds of advances he’d earlier joked with Molly about.

  “We’re going to get along fine then,” he checked her name tag, “Alice.  Please set the autopilot to dock with the New Horizon.”

  “As you wish, Mr. Bowland.”  The woman left towards the front of the craft and Markus pulled himself into a chair and pulled apart his scroll.  He began recording a message to send to the ship.

  “New Horizon.   This is Markus Bowland.  I am coming over to dock with your ship.  I will not interfere with any of your operations or systems, but I have come to beg.  Sadhika, I heard you the other night.  You cut me to pieces and allowed me to see myself as you did in that moment.   I came to loathe myself, and I am changed for it.  I want nothing in the universe more than to join this glorious mission.  I will do anything, pay any price.  I have already liquidated all of my assets and deposited them into the New Horizon general fund.  If it can help, I want you to have it whether I am graced with joining you or not.   If not, I will leave and go back to Earth, but I will do it poor.  I will find something less than this mission but still worth putting everything I have into.   I will try.  I will fail.  I will live… but I’d rather do it with you, on your ship, and with that crew.”

  He paused before adding: “I await.”

  He sent the message, and then five or so minutes later a response came; it was Wiremu.

  “Pacific Private Shuttle Company Eight Hector Five.  You have clearance to dock at auxiliary port 2.  You do not have permission to board.  Any attempt to do so without authorization will be met with force.”

  There was no question in the response.

  “Well,” Markus remarked to himself.  “At least they’re not going to start shooting yet.”

  Markus thought open a channel to the cockpit.  “Did you hear that?”

  “Yes sir, shall I engage the autopilot?” Alice asked from the forward section.

  “By all means my dear.  By all means…”