Chasing Stars: Chapter 8

  The airlock to the shuttle opened and Markus and Sadhika observed that the two had already visibility deteriorated.  Lucas seemed to be pulling himself along the walls more slowly than he should have been, and somewhat convincingly concealing his wincing.  Sasha followed not much further behind.

  “Lucas…” Markus uttered, unsure what else to say.  His brother held his hand up to stop him.

  “I know.   Let’s just get to station medical.”   

  More than his apparent infirmity, his new lack of humour and light spirit concerned Markus the most.  His brother passed and came into the arms of the medical staff who guided him down the corridor towards the elevators down to the habitat ring.  Markus exchanged a tense look with Sadhika, who put her hand on his shoulder in consolation before pulling him into a hug.

  They followed as Lucas and Sasha were secured to gurneys on the elevator.  It lowered them down to the habitat ring to be wheeled towards the station’s primary medical facility.  There wasn’t a great sense of urgency to the process; there was after all nothing which could be done for him in the short term.  Their symptoms would worsen over the coming days, and no intervention mattered any more whether delivered sooner or later.

  Lucas didn’t speak to Markus, he was too busy issuing orders to his staff as they made their way down one of the lower corridors.  He was busy coordinating the inspection of the core on New Horizons as soon as possible.  Markus wondered if this was just to delay having to think too hard about what had happened and what it meant.

  When they arrived at the medical bay Markus and Sadhika were kept out in the waiting area while they took him in and did what they could for them.  They might be able to make three days four, make their suffering less horrible as they declined, but not much else.  Markus felt very much the way Sadhika looked to him: stunned.  They were both in shock, only barely beginning to process what had happened and what the implications were.  They sat in silence together for nearly an hour before a middle-aged woman in a Peacekeeper medical uniform came to speak to them and they rose to greet her.

  “The prognosis is… not good,” she stated heavily.  She had a heavy eastern European accent but spoke perfect English.   Her sandy blond hair was up in a tight bun, and she periodically had to push her glasses up her nose.

  “No shit,” Markus snapped a little too quickly and quickly felt Sadhika gently touching his side.  “I’m sorry,” he said as he sat down again and the other two followed his lead and sat down as well.

  “I understand,” the doctor offered.  “They received as heavy a dose of radiation as we’d feared.  We can extend their lives by hours, make them as comfortable as possible, but the more we alleviate their suffering towards the end, the less cognizant they’ll be.  In this case, both have made it clear they’d like to remain as lucid as possible to the end.   In my experience though I’m afraid to say, that is easier to say ahead of time than when that time comes.”

  Markus and Sadhika nodded gravely.

  “Their immune systems are just… gone.  In less severe cases,” the doctor continued, “a sterile environment could prevent them from picking up whatever might kill them, but that isn’t the case here.  Their bodies are breaking down at the cellular level, and quickly.  Their tissues are beginning to literally… fall apart.  I’m sorry.”

  “Can I see him?” Markus asked.

  “Yes.” the doctor lightly sighed as she stood.  “Yes of course.  I will take you in.”

  The doctor led them past the reception area and down a short corridor to an expensive looking private room in which both Lucas and Sasha were being treated.   Sadhika offered a plaintive smile through the tears welling up under her eyes as she pulled the privacy curtain between the two beds from Sasha’s side.

  Lucas was talking to a scroll he had open and propped up on his chest.  He recognized Donna’s voice coming from the scroll.

  “Are you coming down or am I coming up there?” he heard her ask.  As he came around to the bedside he could see she was on the other side of a pretty serious cry.

  “It would be better if you came up here I think,” Lucas answered.  He seemed to be trying to project more strength than he really had for her sake.  “They say the stress of de-orbing now would just accelerate the process.  Plus…” he seemed uncomfortable.

  “You want to keep working.” she stated in an accusatory tone.  Lucas shrugged.  “I love how dedicated you are, you know that… but I also really hate it sometimes.”

  “I know.”

  “Alright, well… we’ll be on the next flight we can get, but I still want you to come back with us.  We’ll discuss this in person soon.”

  “Yes dear.   … I love you.”

  “I know, I love you too… you fucking idiot.”

  The scroll went dark and Lucas pushed it closed.

  The two brothers sat quietly for a time, neither sure what to say.  They could hear Sadhika and Sasha speaking nearby, but not loudly enough to make out what they were saying.

  “I’m not ready for this,” Markus finally said.  “I feel like I’m losing my only parent.”

  “You think I’m ready for this?” Lucas almost laughed.  “Not exactly the retirement I had in mind, you know.”

  Another awkward silence.

  “I need you to take care of things for me.” Lucas finally said.

  “Oh Lucas don’t do that to me.”
 “For everything I’ve done for you Markus, I need you now.  And I need to know that you’re onboard.  My family needs you now, the company needs you now.”  Markus leaned back in his chair and rubbed his face.  “If this had happened ten years from now, hell five I wouldn’t be laying this on you so thick, but Suzie just isn’t ready.  She’s too young; it’s too much pressure.  Both she and Kaz need a man in their life, a father figure, and the company needs someone to keep it in the family until Suzie is old enough to take it over.”

  “This isn’t fair,” Markus pleaded.  “You can’t put this on me.”

  “None of this is fair Markus!” Lucas started coughing.  “You really think this is worse for you than for me?  Jesus how fucking selfish can you really be??”

  “Lucas.   I’m a terrible fit to lead the company, and you know it.”

  “It’s got to stay in the family.”

  “Does it?” Markus asked.  “Really?”

  “It’s our legacy…” Lucas weakly resisted.  “The right people can advise you; they’ll make you need to be little more than a figure head, but you’ve got to keep the seat warm for her, to maintain continuity.   It’s important.  For everything that legacy has done for you, now’s the time to pay up.  I don’t think it’s a lot to ask.”

  “It’s more than you know…”  Lucas looked at him as he slumped back down into his chair.  “I think I was going to go.  On the ship.  I think I’d decided, I just hadn’t told you.  Hadn’t really realized it myself.”

  “Well obviously that’s not possible now.” Lucas stated icily.

  Markus didn’t say anything but also didn’t look at him or acknowledge what he’d said in any way.  

  “Forget the company Markus, I need you to look after my family, your family.   Like I said in ten years it wouldn’t matter as much but they’re both still so young.  You and I both know what it was like growing up without parents.”

  “You know what it was like to lose them, I just know what it was like to have never had them.  It will be different for them than me.  They’ve got Donna, and good memories of you.  You didn’t turn out all that bad after all.”

  “They’ll need you, Markus.” Lucas insisted.

  “Right…”   Markus reached over and took his hand.   “I feel like I should say it should have been me, but it couldn’t have been.  I want to tell you it’ll be okay, but we both know it won’t be.  I want to say I’m sorry but I have no idea what for.”

  “I know what you mean.”  He paused thoughtfully.  “Sometimes shit just happens…”

  Markus noticed Sadhika leaving the room and walking past Lucas’ staff waiting at the door for their chance to come in and continue consulting with the boss.  He turned to Lucas.  “I don’t think what’s happened has really hit home yet.  I can’t lose you.  None of this can be real.”

  Lucas laughed and coughed.  “Definitely know what you mean.”

  “Can I get you anything?  They seem desperate to get at you.”

  “You should stay.  The business concerns you now too.”

  “Later Lucas.   Later.”

  “Alright.   Go make your peace.  We’ll talk later.”

  “He’s all yours now,” Markus said snidely to the staff as he passed them to follow Sadhika.

  He approached Sadhika in the lobby slowly with his hands in his pockets.  She was sitting in a corner crying.  Not sobbing, just crying.  He sat down beside her without saying a word.

  She wiped the tears away from her face and declared: “I need a drink.”

  “I know a place.”

   

  He led her to the Outback and they slid into an out of the way booth.  A friendly young blond woman with braces and braided hair made her way over and asked them what they’d like.

  “A bottle of expensive scotch and two glasses,” Markus ordered for them.  The woman seemed to hesitate over just bringing them a whole bottle, but when she recognized Sadhika, and the way she was slumped over the table with her chin resting on her folded arms, she instead just nodded and left to fulfill the request.  

  Soon after she returned with an unopened bottle of brown liquid and two tumbler glasses.   “Salut,” she said.  “Just flag me down if you’d like something else.” 

  Markus opened the bottle and poured deeply into both glasses, then slid one over to Sadhika.  As he took a sip he watched over the rim of his own as she gulped down the entire glass.   After placing the glass back down on the table, she watched herself slide it across the surface between her hands meditatively.  She had yet to say a word since the incident.  Eventually she slid the glass back over to Markus for another.

  “You think this will help?” Markus asked as he indulged her glass.  She took it and seemed content to merely sip for now.

  “They were pretty clear nothing can help at this point.”

  “Yeah… so what now?”

  “Now?   Well, nothing really changes for us.   We pull one more name off of the wait list for last minute vetting, and we let Bowland check over the casing and hope there’s no damage.  Oh, and I also get to watch one of my best friends die in agony.  There’s still that.”  She gulped her drink again.  “Other than that no, nothing changes for us,” she repeated.

  “It does for me…” he said.  “Or at least my brother seems to insist it does.”  He poured more drink into her glass, but a bit less this time.

  “Well he’s not going to have much to say about anything at all pretty soon, is he.”

  “True,” Markus acknowledged quietly.  “Very dark… but also very true,” Markus said quietly.

  They sat alone together sipping their drinks.

  “Sasha wants to spend the rest of her time on the ship,” Sadhika finally said.  “She wants to be buried in the arboretum like those we’ll lose along the way.  Seems fitting enough.”

  “Sounds about right,” Markus offered.  “Lucas and Donna are already fighting over whether or not he’ll stay up here or return to Earth.  Either way she’s coming up on the first flight she can get.”

  “She can use our shuttle,” Sadhika said almost reflexively.  “We’re not using it for any more regular traffic, and now that our timetable has been forced to expand it’s even freer.  Plus… he saved our ship.  It’s the least we can do.  I’ll order it down right away, it will be ready for them to come up in a few hours.”

  “I appreciate that.  I’ll let them know.”

  “And once they’re onboard we can go back over to the ship in the morning for the inspection.”

  “Right, I… I guess I’ll be coming along for that.”

  “Right… That really the plan?  Take over for your brother?  Really thought I had you almost convinced to come along with us.  But yeah, now…” 

  “Yeah…” Markus sat back and reflected.  “I don’t know.  Nothing feels real to me right now.  Going doesn’t feel real.  Taking over the company and being a surrogate father to my niece and nephew sure doesn’t really feel real right now either.”

  “Not really your lane, is it?” Sadhika commented as she took a drink.  It could be taken as an insult but she didn’t seem to mean it that way.

  “No,” Markus acknowledged with a thoughtfully raised eyebrow.  “If Donna brings Lucas back to Earth I have to go with them.   That’s non-negotiable.  But, what happens afterwards is… let’s say less certain.”

  “Fair enough,” Sadhika said indifferently.  “Well this has been fun Markus, but I think I’m going to take this bottle back to my suite and look for the bottom of it.  Under normal circumstances I’d invite you, but… these are not those.”

  “Certainly are not.  Goodnight Sadhika.”  

  She left and he found himself left sitting alone.  He felt that his understanding of his brother being effectively dead was present only at the most surface level of his mind.  He looked out at all the rest of the people just living their lives, enjoying a brief respite from all the bullshit that permeated the rest of their lives.  That understanding about his brother had yet to permeate; it hadn’t really hit him.   He figured it would come with sleep, and as much as he dreaded really processing this, the process had to start somewhere.  He finished his drink and headed for his quarters to try to sleep.

   

  Molly opened the door to her new private quarters in a sheer pink negligee.   He’d gone to his own quarters first expecting to see her there without thinking, but then when he saw she wasn’t there, he saw the notification on his scroll that she’d gotten her own place.  She said he was welcome to come over if he needed company.   He’d planned to go to bed, but after reading her note he decided he could use some consoling and connection before trying to sleep.

  “I heard what happened,” she offered sympathetically.  “I figured you’d come talk when you wanted to.”  She led him in to sit on the couch.  She sat close enough he could feel her warmth.  “I don’t know exactly what happened, just that there was an accident and two people were fatally wounded.  And… that one of them was Lucas.”

  “Yeah, that’s pretty much the gist of it…” Markus answered listlessly.

  “I’m sorry Markus…”  She invited him in for a hug and he took her up on it.  He surprised himself when he started to cry on her shoulder.  He realized he hadn’t shed a drop since the incident.

  “Shh…” she cooed.  “It’ll be okay Markus.  It’ll be okay…”

  He cried for a while before blurting out: “He wants me to stay, to take over the company and help raise his kids…  God Molly that would have been too much to ask before I got it in my head that I might want to go on the ship.”  He clung to her tighter.  “He says I owe it to the company, to him, and damn it I know he’s right.  I do!  Everything I have I’ve soaked from that company.  His wife and kids are the only family I have in the world!  I owe everything to them!”

  “Maybe… but for how long?” Molly softly asked.  “I know something of obligation, you know… of servitude.”

  Markus pulled away and wiped the tears from his eyes.  “What do you mean?”

  “If you feel that you really do owe them this, the cost of making good is the rest of your life don’t you think?”

  “Because it would mean staying here the rest of my life, instead of going on the ship for the rest of my life.”

  “Right… the just five years, or just ten years… is meaningless here.  This is about your fate.  Few have the terrible burden of having to choose their fate.  I know something of this too.”

  “Right…”

  “All the experiences you could have there, all the lessons you could learn, all the growth you might experience, all of the purpose and family you might find there, that’s a whole life you need to give up because ‘it’s owed’.  You know the life you have here, and… I know it doesn’t make you happy.  And you know nothing’s going to change if you stay here.”

  Markus tried to raise the energy to dispute what she was saying, but he couldn’t.  He knew what she was saying was true.

  “I’m not saying it’s wrong.  I’m not saying you shouldn’t.  Just be clear on what you’re giving up.  When you weigh your obligations and the sacrifices you’d need to make to live up to them, be clear.  If nothing had changed, if the rest of your life was due to be as wasted as it has been so far, sure.  It seems like not much to give up to try to live up to a higher duty.  But that’s just not the case now is it?”

  Markus shook his head.

  “I’m not going to tell you what to do Markus, I’m only going to sympathize with you over the loss of your brother, and the terrible burden of this decision.  I’m here for you.  I’ll always be here for you as you’ve been for me.”

  Markus pulled away slowly and looked at her.  “When did you get so wise?” he asked.

  “Oh, I’m not that wise…” she said before pulling him in to kiss his forehead.   “You humans just aren’t that complicated.”  She gave him that warm smile which always brightened even the darkest room, and hugged him until he was ready to let go.