Launch: Chapter 19

  “I still can’t really believe that you’re actually going to go, that you would just… take off and leave us all hanging like this.  It’s so…”   Markus knew his brother well enough to know that he was searching for a less incendiary word than the one that first came to mind.  “…inconsiderate,” he finally concluded.  Soon after arriving back at his suite, Markus had received a video call from Brakus.

  He could tell that his brother was at work in his office by the view of the Vancouver harbour behind him out the window.  It was mid-day down there and Markus could see a variety of crafts out on the water beyond the high sea wall.  Brakus had always looked more like their mother while Markus more like their father.   Brakus had a somewhat rougher look than Markus though.  There was also something about their respective appearances which betrayed in sometimes too obvious ways that Brakus lived a quite physically active life while Markus was an academic who lived an all too sedentary and indoor life.   Brakus was also younger and somewhat shorter, but rougher around the edges.  He was energetic and enthusiastically pursued recreational sports his whole life, such as the amateur hockey league he played in.  His thick heavy beard always made him look unshaven, even though he shaved every morning.

  “I understand Brak, but I have faith in you.  I know that you can not only keep the business together, but that you have it in you to make it grow even more than Dad did.  You have the mind for business that our parents did Brak, I never did.  You could hire somebody who would be much more useful to you than I ever could be, I’m certain of it.  Please don’t worry.”  Markus didn’t believe in faith, it was just an expression.  He did have quite a lot of confidence in his brother’s business savvy however, as well as confidence of his own complete lack of any such talents or interests.

  “Yes Mark, but I trust you… I can’t buy that!  In business it’s essential to know that someone has your back like that, to have someone with you at the table that you really trust!”  There was a brief silence as the brothers both took a deep breath and sighed heavily.  It was a very old argument that they had had over and over again.

  “Tell me,” Markus asked, trying to take an interest in the business, “have you decided whether to go human or mecha for the production of the new G.S.S. class cores?”  It was a common question in industry.  Thanks to the Global Baseline, labour was cheap since companies only had to pay employees over and above their basic needs.  While bots or droids were much more expensive at the outset, their maintenance and regular operating costs were much lower than human labour.

  “Well,” his brother reflected, successfully distracted for the moment, “human, for sure.  We won’t be making that many so each one will require a lot of fine craftsmanship and customization, even if they’re based on the same basic design.  I’ll bring in a crew of professional craftsmen and probably reassign a few multi-purpose droids from elsewhere in the operation to assist them.”

  “That sounds about right,” Markus reflected.

  “Besides, I never really like hiring out for general labour.  People who are content to live at the Global Baseline and only get jobs for a few weeks or months at a time and then go back to doing absolutely nothing…  I don’t get it.  They never work very hard while they are here anyways, not like the professional craftspeople though, they’re different.  They’re more like… artisans; they actually seem to enjoy their work.  I like that.   They take so much pride and care in their work.  They’re a pleasure to work with by comparison.”

  “I don’t really understand that either Brak, so many people just… do nothing.  They just live on their benefit, and… well I don’t even know, do drugs all day I guess, watch shows… They claim to be content, but I think it’s sad.   You and I are different in a lot of ways, but we certainly have in common that neither of us ever seems to have enough time for everything we want to do!”

  “I guess that’s just how we were raised…” Brakus remarked, raising his eyebrows.  

  Brakus was the current CEO of Bowland Power Systems but it was their grandfather who had founded the company and figured out how to miniaturize and mass produce General Fusion’s technological breakthroughs.  It was their grandfather who merged with General Fusion and later handed the company down to Markus and Brakus’ father, who went on to take the company to its current status as the preeminent multinational fusion corporation.

  Markus and Brakus’ father had died suddenly in an accident when Markus was nineteen, and their mother had initially assumed control of the company.  Around ten years later when Brakus was old enough he took it over from her and she stayed on as his advisor.  The company was a prominent one, primarily involved in the design and manufacture of power cells.  They mass produced the smaller, simpler, and more commonly used varieties, but they also created larger and much more powerful cores which were special orders customized to their specific use.  Essentially they manufactured and installed anything from small batteries, to micro fusion generators which powered things like small vehicles, all the way up to the massive fusion generators and battery systems powering ships like the New Horizon.

  For a long time Brakus had been the assumed successor of their father, but the handover had been expected to be much further into the future, after the son had worked his way up through the company under his parent’s tutelage.  Brakus had a rough go of it at first after taking over for his mother, and Markus had dutifully assisted them both in any way he could out of love and concern for them and the company, but also to honour his father.  Together they managed to keep the company going, eventually even expanding its operations.  For a time Markus found some small comfort (as he imagined his brother and mother did as well) spending time in his father’s world.  His long shadow over the company had allowed them something of their father to cling to and connect with.  Inevitably though, Markus got bored with the work once the novelty wore off and the pain in his heart was reduced to a dull and soft ever present throb.

  The silence between them was growing awkward.  “So, how’s the family?”  Markus asked dutifully to break the silence.  It was his obligation to care and to ask, but he did quite genuinely care.   He found Brakus’ wife Jayn to be a warm and charming woman, as well as a fine mother and nurturer of their girl and two boys.  Ethnically she was fully Chinese; but it was her grandparents who had immigrated to Canada long before she or even her mother was born.  She was fully embedded in local and New Commonwealth culture, but she kept one toe in contact with her Chinese heritage.  Living in Vancouver made this easy though, since Chinese culture had for so long been such a prominent element of the city.

  Markus enjoyed visiting with Brakus’ family and watching his niece and nephews grow up.  Not having children of his own, he enjoyed being able to be very close to them and enjoy the good times, while having the luxury of being able to leave the rough and challenging times for their parents to deal with.   This suited Markus just fine.  He enjoyed the positive parts of having kids which he got to share as an uncle, but he was well aware of the miserable parts which his brother and sister in law sometimes had to suffer through.  He didn’t wish this on himself, so he chose not to have children of his own.

  “They’re well… it’s Zoro’s graduation from high school next month.  He’s pretty excited; well, we’re all pretty excited for him.”  Despite being genuinely pleased, Brakus still looked glum and disappointed, presumably over failing yet again to deter Markus from leaving on the New Horizon mission.  Of all the people in his life, Brakus had always seemed the most intransigently opposed to his joining a mission headed for deep space, never to return.   Markus had always figured it was because Brakus was the most grounded person he knew.

  “Well that’s great!  He’s old enough, now he can start helping you at work right?”

  “I suppose, but he hasn’t shown much interest, it’s really Dao who shows interest.  He already comes to work with me sometimes and claims to be excited over the idea of eventually taking over the business” Brakus brightened a bit at this.  “But he’s only twelve, who knows what he’ll want when the time actually comes…”  The brightness left his face again.

  “And how is Sufi?”

  “She’s good… she’s excited to be off school for her summer break, and… well, she misses you.”  Sufi, their youngest child and only daughter was an adorable seven year old whom Markus felt quite close to.  As expected, the comment about her missing him stung quite a bit.

    There was an awkward silence between them yet again.  “Well, I have to get back to work… we’ll talk again before you launch, right Mark?”

  “Of course Brak, of course…” he answered.

  Brakus hesitated before saying goodbye.  “Mark… you know that I won’t hold it against you right?  I mean, I’d… I’d do anything to convince you to stay, but well… I love you, and I know that you… that you have to do what you have to do just like… just like anyone else.  I just wish that what you had to do, was to stay and help me!”  He laughed, and they both had a good chuckle.  It was a welcome reprieve.

  “Yes Brak, I know.  I love you too.  Now get back to work and go take care of that family I still have so much stock in!”

  “Yes yes, I’ll talk to you later.”

  “Bye.”

  The screen switched off and the room darkened.  After switching off the screen and ordering the lights in the suite off, he sat in silence and lost himself in his thoughts, looking through the large round window on the floor.  He could see a field of stars slowly moving past the window, and as he often did he felt drawn to them, as though they were gently beckoning to him, like rippling waves of weak but perpetual gravity drawing him out into the void.

  He felt warm, and large, and as he contemplated the immensity and scope of what he was seeing, and the miraculous privilege it was to be able to witness it, simply and specifically, in this place, at this moment in history, across the whole and entire immensity of space and time. As he meditated on the vision out the window, his sense of himself melted away until there was no meaningful distinction between what was ‘out there’ and ‘in here’.  He became one with the universe.

  And then seemingly out of nowhere he was reduced to silent shuddering sobs.

  

  Sufi… Dao… Zoro… I won’t see you grow up… I’ll never get to know the persons that you will become… I wish so much that I could…

  …I won’t be there to help you find your way and to help you discover who that person in the mirror is… Oh, I’m so, so sorry…

  … you three are the only ones that I wrong…